


Never Trust Edward Elric

by cold_flame



Series: Undeniable [17]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Ed Is A Little Shit, Gen, Havoc is desperate, pretend father/son relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-22
Updated: 2012-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24793414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cold_flame/pseuds/cold_flame
Summary: This is sort of a prequel to 'How Far Will Havoc Go?' but reading that isn't necessary to understand this and vice versa.
Relationships: Edward Elric & Jean Havoc
Series: Undeniable [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792303
Kudos: 11





	Never Trust Edward Elric

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of a prequel to 'How Far Will Havoc Go?' but reading that isn't necessary to understand this and vice versa.

Havoc was tired of being single. On his way home from HQ, he noticed the strangest thing about women. They were suckers for kids. Like, seriously, they went crazy over them. And not just the kids either, they went bonkers over the single dads running around also. Too bad he didn't have kids because maybe if he did, he'd actually be able to get a date. The only kids he even knew were the Elric brothers but they weren't exactly pleasant, atleast the older one wasn't. He was pretty much a smart mouthed brat. Although for some reason, the women adore him. They swoon over him saying how he's 'the cutest thing ever' and how 'he'll be so handsome when he's older'. Even Lieutenant Hawkeye seems to soften around the young alchemist.

How did the little midget manage to get more girls than him? Then it hit him. They liked him because they saw him as a cute little kid, and everyone knows that women love kids. Naturally, the Colonel had taken the role of 'father figure' for the boys and had also taken all the credit for discovering the prodigy child in the first place. Smug bastard.

So, one day, Havoc and Edward went wandering around Central together. It was Ed's 14th birthday and Havoc was taking him out to celebrate. Why? Well, he had his reasons. So far, the blond was proving to be more trouble than he was worth, what with his constant grumbling and swearing about birthdays being 'a pain in the ass' and 'a waste of time'. Havoc rolled his eyes at the younger boy's sour attitude. Honestly, what did women see in the little brat? But, he guessed, if you looked past the egotistical, crappy attitude, he was a pretty cute kid. An attractive woman with red hair stopped them in their tracks.

"Oh my. Who's this cute little guy?" she swooned. Havoc noticed Ed twitch and jumped in the conversation before the boy went on one of his short-rants.

"This is Edward. He's my uh…" he couldn't find any words to describe how Ed was acquainted with him, so he said the first thing came to mind. "Son. He's my son." He confirmed. He gulped when he saw Ed's face turn beet red with anger, but then quickly got over his fear of the boy when the woman's eyes lit up.

"Your son? How old is he? What's his name? Oh, look at that face. He's so cute!" she squealed, ruffling his hair. Ed's anger quickly got replaced by a blank, irritated look, the same look that he often gave the Colonel. Oh, man, what should he tell her? After all, he was 28, and Ed was 14. She would totally see right through him. What's a believable age? Think, Havoc.

"His name's Edward and he's 10." He lied smoothly. Ed shot him a furious glare, but held his tongue.

"Oh Edward's such a lovely name! You must be such a good father to him!" her eyes were shining. Havoc grinned. Man, he'd have to bring the alchemist with him more often around town. This woman was totally eating out of his hands. Maybe he'd end up having a nice night with her.

"Yeah, I guess I am. So maybe you and me could go out sometime?" he asked coolly.

"Oh, of course. I love a man who's good with children." She put her hand on her chin, as if pondering whether what he said was the truth. "You said he was ten, right?

"Uh, yes." he said nervously.

"Are you sure? He looks a little short for a 10 year old." She said skeptically. Havoc held his breath as Ed exploded.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC FLEA WHO'S SO TINY THAT HE COULD FIT IN THE CRACKS OF THE SIDEWALK?"

"I-I never said that." she sweat dropped nervously. Havoc sighed.

"He's just a little sensitive. Right, son?" he gave Ed a warning glance. Ed glared at him hotly, then his mouth curved up into a malicious smirk. Uh-oh. Havoc didn't like that look. He had picked the wrong Elric to mess with, and now…he was screwed.

"Dad, won't Mom be mad at you for flirting with other women?" he asked innocently. Havoc felt his face heat up with embarrassment. The woman narrowed her eyes.

"You're married?"

"No, it's not what you think." He dismissed nervously.

"Dad, isn't you guys 11th anniversary today?" Ed asked. Havoc glared at the younger boy as the woman's face began to contort with rage.

"Edward, shut up." He said through gritted teeth. The woman had had enough and whacked him with her purse.

"You, sir, are a despicable, vile womanizer!" she spat. Her gaze softened at the younger boy.

"Bye, sweetie. Don't ever grow up to be like your bastard father, kay?" she smiled sweetly.

"Okay," Ed shrugged. The woman sent Havoc another disdainful glare and stalked off. Havoc felt himself numb, watching the woman with her back turned to him, and glanced over to see a triumphant smirk from Ed.

"That was so not cool," he sobbed comically. Ed gave a sharp-toothed grin and ran off without him. Havoc had learned a valuable lesson from all this. Never trust Edward Elric.

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun with this one. I debated on whether I should have Havoc or Mustang do this to Ed, but I kinda just wanted to an interaction scene with Havoc. He doesn't get enough love.


End file.
